youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
