i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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