these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Screwed.edu
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
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