i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
