just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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