I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
