It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize