how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
