I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
