But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
