Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Randomize
