i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
