i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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