You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
