barbara walters just said penis...
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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