Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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