he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
