nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
