I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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