In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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