also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
