No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?