Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Sorry about my life...
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
