oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..