is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.