Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
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Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
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That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.