Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.