omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
