Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
