I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
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Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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