i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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