forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
