Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
