i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
