the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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