College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
