I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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