I think I am morally bankrupt
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
