I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
