playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
