im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
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