I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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