i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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