Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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