Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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