In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
do herpes really smell.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Randomize
