Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
