This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Randomize
