high people should be assigned attendants
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
