hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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