If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
