I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
