your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
