why im i the only drunk person in the library?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
