sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
