Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
