i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
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Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
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I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
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