I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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