why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
pray to the hookup gods
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
