Don't you send me to vm
i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
