Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
