this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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