Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
