5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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