Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
