i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
She's not a foreskin expert like you
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
