So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
