so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
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2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
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The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
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