She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
