he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
it's like heaven, but drunker
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
