my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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