I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
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