oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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