called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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