I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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