what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
