This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
The feeling are messing with the penis
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
