I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize