Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
My liver just had a heart attack.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
