This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
