My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
