Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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