I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Randomize
