I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
