I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
