You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
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