Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
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I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
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In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat