its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
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Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
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you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.