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we have officially lost it.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
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