Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened http://tfl.nu/eey2
  Replies (4) Good night (851) Bad night (548)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  i think i'm in class. and blacked out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): i think i'm in class. and blacked out. http://tfl.nu/l2ml
  Replies (5) Good night (2080) Bad night (527)
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link http://tfl.nu/gvkq
  Replies (9) Good night (788) Bad night (1903)
• Favorite

  (858): View more from California

  I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (858): I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association. http://tfl.nu/vbvm
  Replies (15) Good night (4308) Bad night (449)
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it? http://tfl.nu/m23f
  Replies (31) Good night (5800) Bad night (598)
• Favorite

  (563): View more from Iowa

  If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (563): If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from? http://tfl.nu/xs7j
  Replies (7) Good night (1636) Bad night (3039)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave http://tfl.nu/0ff9
  Replies (10) Good night (2810) Bad night (890)
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm http://tfl.nu/rl73
  Replies (10) Good night (2403) Bad night (1011)
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys. http://tfl.nu/b5qg
  Replies (9) Good night (4773) Bad night (732)
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (253): At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets. http://tfl.nu/s5np
  Replies (9) Good night (3695) Bad night (613)
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair. http://tfl.nu/ggur
  Replies (5) Good night (1533) Bad night (558)
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him" http://tfl.nu/pb7e
  Replies (9) Good night (1287) Bad night (591)
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (515): I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes. http://tfl.nu/92xn
  Replies (14) Good night (1716) Bad night (577)
• Favorite

  (509): View more from Washington

  Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (509): Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god. http://tfl.nu/tkyh
  Replies (8) Good night (354) Bad night (1294)
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (707): People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex. http://tfl.nu/ihmc
  Replies (3) Good night (772) Bad night (204)

Randomize