Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
