I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.