She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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